‘At a Loose End’

Since I love him it must be my fate, it must be my destiny. And he loves me. It’s terrifying, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Oh, sister, how shall we spend the rest of our lives, and what’s to become of us? When you read a novel this sort of thing all seems so trite and obvious, but when you fall in love yourself you see that nobody knows anything and we all have to decide these things for ourselves. . . . Now I’ll be the madman in Gogol’s story. I’ll keep quiet and say nothing.—masha prozorova

Time passed, a little faster than usual as the semester wound up. Professor Allred was pacified. Finals were administered. Marianne and I packed up our things and headed for home in Marianne’s bisque jeep. Behind us all the way to Joshua’s Ravine drove a taxi-yellow Mazda3 and an old silvery low rider with a name no one recognizes anymore. I covered for all the vacationing receptionists and PAs at Cortez Medical Clinic, and the University of Southern California sent me a large packet accepting me into their fall-semester acting program for visiting students. I also spent an afternoon at the library researching nursing careers, but nothing came of that.

But what else can I say? My epilogue looms, and I am tired of fighting.